It's all about attitude.
Something you can know though; I am a FTM, not yet started on anything for the transition. I'm 20 and have all the support I could wish for. With a loving family and understanding friends I hope to make it trough this transition, but most of all do I hope I can start on it soon.
I used to bind with ace tape or something for cosplay some years back. Terrible stuff to bind chests with and it didn’t even get the job done.
Now I find my own binders don’t bind me enough either and many people still tend to complain that they can see my chest. Well fuck you too, right.
But not after hitting a dip I’m seriously crying with happiness.
I’ve combined the two, I’ve never been so flat. I just keep crying about it now. This is amazing. This is obviously not good for my body but fuck that, happiness right now is more important.
If that’s how one person feels about their own body, that’s okay. But when one person says “this is how all trans* people feel,” it’s irritating.
Like, when they say “Telling a trans man not to get top surgery is like telling a kid born with HIV not to take medication for it!” Which is based on an actual example I just saw.
Some people do dislike their bodies, but to say that all trans* people are, well, defective, is pretty offensive to me.
My natural state, the body I was born with, is not a disease. I am not defective. And your comments make life harder for me. The more that trans* people perpetuate the idea of “all men must want dicks and flat chests,” the more cis people are going to think it’s okay to go “well, you’re not really a man until you get the surgery.”
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with loving the body you were born with, even if society tells you that it belongs to a different gender. It doesn’t. It belongs to you. And society, not only cis people but trans* people too, have no right to tell you what you should or should not want it to look like.
I have two Facebook accounts, one has only a whooping total of 6 friends who I trust. I go there when I need to get away from all the stress and frustration my main gives me.
The people there have been very supportive of it, and they couldn’t make me happier. It was so extremely positive, I could cry from happiness that they all took to it so easily, no questions asked about it.
To clarify, my name is Dean now, my friends will hopefully get used to using this soon. (For official and familial matters it’s still my old name until I’ve started therapy.)
So, having chosen Dean, and having some big Supernatural fans, including myself, on my friends list, I was a little afraid about outing myself all over again with my new name. I can’t tell you how scared I was, got a little panic attack going right there and then, even before replies came in.
I’m sure not everyone of my friends has seen it, but those who have are also very positive. I was scared some would make fun of me because of the above mentioned fan issue, and while there were questions, no one made flat-out assumptions and I assured them I picked the name for the sake of the name. All in all, there has been nothing negative in the replies of the people there.
Tho I did tell those who couldn’t take me serious to just stay away from it entirely.
They at least respected that a lot.
It’ll take me time to get used to and everything, and it’ll take time for my friends to adjust as well, but I was glowing when they used it right away.
I’m just really scared to bring the news to my family, most importantly to my Step-father, my sister and my brother-in-law. My step-dad is really slow on the up-taking of these, and he hasn’t been understanding at all this came up. We never really talk about it because it is so difficult. Since a while tho, he has made an effort to use the right pronouns. Still, I’m scared of his reaction to the news I’m going to be having a different name around the house.
My sister has already made it clear she wants me to keep my old name, (a male version of my birth name) due to ‘emotional value’. She actually broke down crying when I tried to discuss this sometime last year with her and our mother. I found that really difficult to handle. It’s not going to hold me back, but it complicates things of how to introduce myself.
And the brother-in-law is really easy going, but I just have no clue how he’ll react to it. It’s not like we’re close or anything, and he’s been treating me normal. But I’m just scared that this might complicate a few things, the concept is pretty new to him and I don’t think he and my sister have entirely settled into it yet.
I also hope that it gets my grandma to stop using ‘her’ and ‘she’. Just because I haven’t officially started yet, doesn’t mean you can disrespect me. I mean, she says she backs up my decision and has no trouble with it, but then pleas don’t slap me in the face with the wrong pronouns.
My Dad’s side of the family probably doesn’t even know, aside from the above mentioned grandma. It’s not like I ever get to see them, unless it’s my grandma’s birthday. My mother’s side of the family has been understanding and supportive right from the start. They always kind of knew and they always suspected it, so I think it’s a little easier there.
Still, it’s scary.
But mom and I know how we’ll break the news to them, a little bit of humor.
Farewell old name, I can finally say goodbye to you.
Of course I can’t change anything officially yet, so my old name is still everywhere. But all in due time.
I spent a lot of time thinking about this, and some time discussing this tonight with my best friend, and I just now broke the news to my mom. Who took it a lot better than I thought. She has her doubt about how she likes it, for whatever reason, but she backs me up and was really easy-going. I have yet to decide when I’ll break the news to the rest of my family, or to my stepdad (he’s shown difficulty accepting this all, but he’s making a effort.) Telling my friends first is easier I think, and I would love to get this change over with. Say goodbye to the old and its unpleasant memories.
On another note, it’s almost been a year since I’ve been put on the waiting list for this entire thing. The hospital that offers the therapy and procedures and everything has a list of minimal a year. So at the end of this month I’m going to mail or call them, see where I’m at right now, and how long the wait can still possibly be. I haven’t had contact with them at all since somewhere midway last year. While I doubt the lack of contact gives me any complications, I’m still a little scared that it might. We’ll see eventually.
aptlylux Asks:
dropsofrainbows Said:
That might be the best thing to do, although I am now going trough my life with the name I would have gotten. But perhaps we can still talk it out.
Thanks for the suggestion c: asking her to be more involved didn’t entirely cross my mind.
This tumblr is more or less a place away from my main tumblr.
I feel not everyone who follows me there should have to deal with my moods. With that said, this account is one where I should be able to not hide in fear of posting things I feel have no place on my main, or on FB, or anywhere. To those who stumble upon this blog, and recognize me from my picture; I am sorry if you wished to know about this account.
The chances of anyone who I know randomly stumbling upon me here however, seems slim.
Now, to state this rather simply; this blog’s main function is to deal with my transition. I am FTM, currently waiting to start on this entire ‘project’. If I may believe the institute on who’s list I’m currently placed on hold, I should be able to start soon. Soon is not soon enough but it keeps me strong.
